The good, the bad, and the Emmett
by esme ali cullen
Summary: Ali has a complicated past and an even more complicated future. Living with the Cullens has proven a challenge, especially with Emmett pranking her all the time. Bording school doesn't help a bit because of all the rotten luck guess who gets a job.
1. How it all begins

**Disclaimer: Hi everyone! This is my first story so bear with me! I don't own twilight.**

_The good, the bad, and the Emmett_

Prologue Carlisle's POV

I sat contently reading a book downstairs when Emmett came running down the stairs at vampire speed. I looked at him strangely and he put a finger over his mouth.

"Shhhhhhh!" he said. I rolled my eyes and went back to my book. I knew Emmett had done something but chances were I didn't want to know. Unfortunately for me I was right but I didn't get a choice if I knew or not.

"EMMETT! WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GO! YOU HAVE 'TILL I FIND YOU TO LIVE!" Ali screamed from her room. She raced to the top of the stairs and spotted Emmett next to me. She ran for him at vampire speed. I sighed and grabbed the back of her shirt and she stopped with her hands just inches from Emmett's neck. I chuckled at her.

"What's so funny Carlisle?" she asked. I laughed again. She glared at me once more.

"Do you realize that strangling him would hurt you more than him?" I said to her. "You're human and he's not."

"Who said that I was going to use my hands?" she asked. I looked at her.

"Your position did," I commented. "What did he do anyway?"

"He's trying to get us both killed! He took one of my good designer shirts and used it as a paintbrush to PAINT MUD ALL OVER MY FREAKIN' ROOM!" she screamed.

"Ali! Calm down please!" I said. "Wait, how does that kill you both?" She rolled her eyes.

"I kill him and Alice kills me," Ali said. I nodded realizing she was right. Alice would be furious when she saw the shirt in such a torched state. Just then Bella came down the stairs.

"Oh don't mind me. I'm just here for the show," she said. We all gave her a look. "Alice just saw Ali's room." Ali froze in horror. _Just wait for it. _I thought. _5…4…3…2…1!_

"ALEXANDRA CATLIN COOPER-JOHNSON! WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT! NOT TO MENTION YOUR ROOM!" Alice hollered. Then she ran down stairs. As soon as Ali was in view Alice ran at her and they began a vampire speed chase through the house.

**Disclaimer: I hope you liked the last chapter! Please read and review! This next chapter is a shortened version of Ali's history. It's kind of sad. There isn't as much humor here. Skip it if you want. It all has to be said though so bear with me. I don't own twilight just Ali.**

Ali's POV

I woke up in a clean room. We had spent the entire afternoon scrubbing the walls and floor to get the mud off. Of course Esme and Alice were so mad that Emmett spent the day in the basement. He got off easy this time. Bella was in my doorway. I sat up in bed.

"Morning sleepyhead," she said. I waved.

"Hi. You would think that the room would smell better after all that cleaning," I said. She sniffed the air.

"I like how it smells. I smell Edward, you, and someone else." She told me. I laughed.

"It's your human sent. I recognize it from past visits," I explained. She gave me a funny look.

"How do you know that? If you're human then how can you run so fast and smell so well?" she asked "I couldn't do that when I was human."

"Consider me a failed science experiment," I told her. "It was for an organization of humans that acts much like the Voltori do. They needed something that could go up against a newborn and survive so they created me."

"So why are you a failed?" she asked. "You seem pretty successful to me."

"Two reasons," I said. "The first being I don't have all the abilities that they intended for me to have. The second is that they can't control me. I'm a wild and free spirit."

"Who are these people?" Bella asked. "And how have I never heard of them? I swear you're making this up."

"I am not!" I exclaimed. "It's true! Every word of it! I can take you to the headquarters some day. I practically own the place."

"Okay then," she agreed. "But you never did tell me why you don't like the way the room smells."

"Oh," I said. "That's just because I don't like your human sent. I have nothing against you or anything but its way too sweet."

"HEY!"

**I promise I'll make the next chapter funnier to make it up to you. Please read and review!**


	2. As normal as it gets

**Disclaimer:** Sorry it took so long. I** hope the last chapter wasn't too boring. This one will be super funny to make up for it. Read and review please! I don't own twilight.**

_Chapter 2: As normal as it gets_

Alice's POV

Things were quiet. Too quiet. No one was breaking anything and no one was screaming at anyone else for doing anything. Emmett wasn't even doing anything stupid! Something was wrong. Oh well! Might as well enjoy it while it lasted.

Ali was at school. Carlisle and Esme had gone to pick her up. Rosalie and Bella had gone hunting. Edward and Nessie were having some daddy-daughter time. Jasper had gone out to pick up some things for me. I was watching TV. Where the heck was Emmett?!?!?!

"Alice! I'm back!" Jasper called.

"In here!" I called back. He walked in and looked around.

"Something's wrong here. Where is everyone?" he asked.

"They're all out. Except for Emmett. I have no idea where he is. I'm pretty sure I don't want to know," I told him. He laughed and sat with me. A little while later Carlisle and Esme came home with Ali and her friend Ena. Right after that Edward, Bella, Rosalie, and Nessie all got back. Did they have to all get back at the same time?! I was just getting used to the quiet!

A slight chatter filled the room as people talked and laughed. Ena and Ali had gone upstairs and everything was calm. That was until a shriek made its way down from Ali's room.

"Emmett!" Ali screamed. She raced down at vampire speed and her much more human friend followed at a slower pace. They were covered in mud.

"Carlisle," she said in a whinny tone. "Get me a towel!"

"Eh hem!" Ena said.

"Oh and get one for her."

"Hurry Carlisle!" Esme told him. "They're getting it everywhere!" Carlisle ran to the closet to get some towels. We never had to think before we acted. All of Ali's friends had parents that worked for the MCDJ. They all could pick out our kind in a crowded room. They cleaned off as best as they could.

"Where is that rotten"-

"Ali," Edward cautioned. "Don't say anything you'll regret later."

"Do I ever regret what I say" she said to him. He rolled his eyes.

"No, but I regret letting you sometimes," he said.

"Yes but I don't care what you regret," she said. "So where is he?" We all shrugged.

"Can't you ever invite me on a normal day?" Ena asked.

"This is a normal day Ena," Ali said. She sighed and tried once again to get the mud out of her hair. BOOM! CRASH! BANG!

"What was that?" I asked. A sly smile spread across Ali's face.

"Emmett!" she ran to the kitchen where the sound came from. There was a girlish shriek. Then Emmett burst out of the kitchen door chased by Ali. Oh great. Here we go again.

"It accures to me" Jasper said. "that it may not have been Ali screaming."


	3. The last straw

**Disclaimer: So I figure this story must be really bad because it's been like 6 months and I haven't gotten any hits. But for anyone who wants to read it, it's still here. I don't update often because I actually have some good stories to keep up with. Please review!**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

Ali had promised she would take me to her "special organization" someday and today was that day. I picked her and one of her friends up from school and we headed over. I found it strange when I first saw it. It was an office building I had passed a thousand times. The place didn't look like a mythical creature justice department (which was its name).

On my way in the building I found out how serious these people really were. I had to go through like seven detectors and sensors, all of which I set off. These people were on high alert and if it wasn't for Ali they would have torn me apart. Once we got past the defenses she lead me up some stairs.

"I even have my own office here," she told me. "It's like my own little paradise where I'm not bombarded with scents and everything goes my way." I laughed and followed as she raced up the stairs at vampire speed. She slowed to a more human pace as she got to her floor.

"Good afternoon Ms. Johnson!" a woman called cheerily as we passed. Ali waved a hand and continued passed. She introduced a few people as we went.

"That's Caroline, and there's Maddie, and this one's Cody," she was saying. I nodded and waved. Finally we came to a closed door. There was a plaque on it that read _Alexandra Johnson, Field Agent/ Ex#2501_.

"What does that mean?" I asked her. She smiled.

"It means that I threw a fit when it said _Experiment 2501 _so I made them change it," she explained. "There is nothing worse than being called an experiment. Besides, I don't even let them bring needles around me anymore. Their experimentation has become very limited." I raised an eyebrow at her but decided not to ask any more questions.

As she opened the door a bucket of mud fell onto her head. She screamed and I opened the door a bit farther to see Emmett sitting behind her desk. He was cracking up.

"You idiot!" she shouted. "What is with you and all this freakin' mud?" He continued with his laughing and didn't answer the question.

"How did you even get in here?" I asked him. "They have like a thousand defenses against vampires here. There is no way you could've gotten in here. Unless…He has an accomplice!" Ali's face changed from shock to a murderous expression. She stormed out of the office and looked around. Her gaze fell on a gentleman at a desk.

"Hello Wesley," she said in a threatening tone. "Did you let this idiot into my office?"

"No of course not," he said, holding back laughter. "Why would I do a thing like that? It's not like you ate my lunch yesterday and then spilled it in my chair." She looked appalled.

"Hey! If there's no name it's fair game and you know that!" she countered. He rolled his eyes.

"Well you could've warned me about the spill before I sat in it!" he shouted. I decided to pull Ali into her office before this got out of hand.

"Emmett go home," I ordered. He nodded and left. I helped Ali clean up and then she flopped down in her chair.

"Great," she complained. "Now the whole place smells like him. That's the last straw. I'm gonna do it." She got on her computer and started searching for something.

"What are you going to do?" I asked. She pulled up a website for a school in Maine.

"A couple of my friends are enrolling at The Collins Institute for Gifted Students," she explained. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to go but after Emmett's latest display of Emmetness I've made my choice. I'm going to that school. I'll do anything to get away from Emmett."

"You don't think that's a bit much," I said. "I mean, come on he's Emmett. He's not all bad." She turned to me and gave me a look.

"Have you seen this new look of mine?" she asked me. "I promise you it's not a bold fashion statement. All I need is for my legal guardian to approve it and pass their interview process and I'm out of here."

"New question," I stated. "Who the heck is your legal guardian? I wasn't even sure you had one."

"That's a good question," she said. "This may be harder than I thought.


	4. An Interesting Interview

**Disclaimer: Hi again everyone! It's been a while since I posted anything for this story, but I did get a request that I continue it. So ****xxloveisrobsten****, this chapter is for you, even if you're the only one that reads it. Please review! And if for any reason anyone has any ideas or request, just send them to me and I'll dedicate the chapter to you if I use your ideas. I don't own Twilight.**

Ali's POV

I was applying to boarding school. That was final. It was the only way to get rid of Emmett, or rather hide from him. I got a friend down at the MCJD to pose as a parent for the time being and I filled out the application. I passed the first round of cuts and now all that was standing between me and freedom was a home interview. I was ready for that. I planned to stay at my friend's house that night and we would pose as a happy family: me, her, and her husband.

It was a perfect plan. Nothing could possibly go wrong. At least that's what I had thought before a certain, irritating vampire got involved. I don't even know how he found out about the interview, but once he did, he was intent on ruining it.

The headmaster of the school showed up around seven. He was a nice guy, middle aged with a bit of gray hair. He came in, sat down, and asked some questions. They were easy questions like why I wanted to go, what I wanted to study, and if I would suffer from separation anxiety. My answers: I wanted a new experience, I wanted to study music, and I'd been fine. My friend's husband showed up fashionably late and explained how he was held up in the office. He seamlessly entered into the conversation. Then there was a knock at the door.

"That's strange," I said. "We weren't expecting anyone, were we?" I looked at the couple beside me. They both shook their heads. "Well, I guess I'll get it." I figured I could easily explain to whoever it was that I was in the middle of fooling one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the country and they would have to come back to see Melinda and Jeremy some other time. Then I opened the door.

"Hello there Ali!" Emmett grinned. I tried to slam the door in his face but he caught it. "Aw come on Ali! Don't be so rude. I just wanted to say hi!"

"Will you keep your voice down!" I scolded quietly. "I got an oblivious headmaster sitting in the Den. He thinks I live here and I don't want him to find out otherwise." His face lit up.

"Oooo! So you're playing pretend!" he smiled. "I love playing pretend! I wanna play too!"

"How old are you?" I asked. "Five. I'm not playing pretend. I'm being deceptive. Now go away before you ruin everything!"

"Ali!" Melinda called. "Is everything okay out there?"

"Yeah mom!" I called back. I turned to Emmett. "Shoo fly!" I urged.

"I don't care what you call it!" he complained. "I wanna play too!" He pushed past me and came inside. I sighed and followed him in.

"Emmett!" Jeremy smiled as he walked in. "What a pleasant surprise! Didn't Ali tell you that she had an interview tonight?"

"Oh I know," Emmett smiled. "But I couldn't pass up a chance to see my dear cousin. You know how seldom I get to visit."

"Um… yes, well this," Melinda said with a hesitant smile. "This is my … nephew from my … sister. Emmett this is Mr. Collins." Under her breath she whispered a barely audible "Please don't break him." In reply Emmett shook his hand like he was a princess made of glass. Melinda raised an eyebrow to ask me "What is this?" I smiled and shrugged saying, "How the heck should I know?"

We tried to continue with the pleasant conversation, but Emmett had so many stupid things to say. We talked about the beauty of classic pieces of music; Emmett said he loved Journey. We talked about the wonders of contemporary dance; Emmett asked if that was the one where they roll around on the floor. We talked about the mysteries of space; Emmett said his biggest dream was to meet Doctor Who. After while I could see Mr. Collins giving up. He thanked us for a rather … insightful evening and left. After we got rid of Emmett, Melinda and Jeremy spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince me that I wouldn't go crazy if I was forced to continue living with Emmett. They failed.


End file.
